so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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