Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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