does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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