youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
