It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pants are for mortals
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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