i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you had me at cake vodka
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
