im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
