She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
