I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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