don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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