In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
