you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
