why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
