You can't motorboat a personality
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
