You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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