Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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