I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
