so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
