I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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