Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
