so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
