gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
