you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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