Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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