Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
