she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
