Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
