my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
