I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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