All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize