when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
