the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
