there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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