It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
