we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
