if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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