And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
