Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize