I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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