I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's blow job season.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
