I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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