The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
