You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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