You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
