Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
