I'm going to jail i love you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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