The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize