Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
