there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
