I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
