You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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