See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
