You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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