Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
