my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
