i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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