im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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