That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
