If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I could make wine with my vomit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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