Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize