She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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