Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
