Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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