this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
