I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found the puke drawer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
