Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
