hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
