Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
