We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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