i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
